Emotional Intelligence

            After taking the EQ test I learned something about myself that I never knew before. According to the test my emotional intelligence is not as high as I originally thought. Apparently, I am below average in my emotional intelligence, which I found surprising. After listening to Hank Weisinger’s speech on emotional intelligence I have noticed two main points that I need to improve to raise my emotional intelligence. The two steps that I need most improvement on are learning to use my thoughts as instructional self-statements and to make my tasks more underwhelming and not overwhelming.

            The first step seems very simple but from what Mr. Weisinger stated, this step is vital. Whenever I don’t complete a goal or I’m in a situation that I do not want to be in, I talk to myself in a negative way. I have always felt that doing this could have positive effects, thinking that it would motivate me. I thought that telling myself that I am too lazy or stupid after I do not accomplish a personal goal would push me to do better next time. From what Mr. Weisinger said, that technique is nothing but detrimental. To implement this first step I will try to talk to myself more productively. If I do not accomplish a goal instead of coming down hard on myself, I will talk more productively towards myself. I can also write down steps to deal with situations better. If someone is giving me bad news or information that I do not like I usually get angry and counterproductive. By writing down steps to deal with these situations I can avoid getting angry and counterproductive.

            The second step is another simple step to follow. Instead of making tasks difficult, I will make them small and easier to accomplish. For example, if I have a test on a Thursday, instead of making my task to get an A, I will break that task down. My first task will be to gather my notes on Monday, then I will study for an hour on Tuesday, next I will study for 3 hours on Wednesday, lastly I will take the test on Thursday aiming for an A. Breaking down the large task and turning it into smaller tasks makes it easier to accomplish. As I complete each task I feel better about myself and can move on to the next task with more confidence. Implementing these two simple tasks stated by Mr. Weisinger can dramatically change my emotional intelligence for the better. It’s now up to me to make sure that I implement them into my daily life.

           

Self Disclosure and Social Networking

             After reading the online article Social networking: Are we revealing too much? I took a long hard look at my facebook account. It is scary to think that some people can use my facebook in negative ways. Whether to spread rumors about me or to even go as far as to break into my house. Both examples used in the article were frightening to me. Maureen Paperella was robbed of about $10,000 worth of valuables all because she accepted a friend request from someone that she did not know very well. This person could see find her address on Maureen’s facebook page and when Maureen posted about a time when she was going to be out of her house, the “friend” robbed her house. I do not post very often but I can remember times posting about how I was going on vacation and I see now how that was a mistake. I do not know every friend on my facebook as well as I should and one of them could have robbed me blind.

             This article has also made me go over my list of friends on my account. I do not know everyone personally and probably should be more careful. From now on if I receive a friend request from someone that I do not know I will decline the request. Just recently I got a friend request from a girl that I had never met before but not thinking much of it, I accepted the request. This girl turned out to be a very strange person who then requested all of my friends and wrote inappropriate comments on my wall. This cause many problems for me and I had to block her.

            Face to face interactions are very different from online interactions are. When people are face to face they usually sensor what they say, they may think of a mean comment or inappropriate phrase but will normally keep it to themselves. Having the feeling of anonymity gives people more courage to say things that they normally would not in a face-to-face interaction. Also, people have a longer time to think about their response when online. When face-to-face, there isn’t much time to think, you just have to say what first comes to mind. 

Interpersonal Communication and Conflict

           Conflict is everywhere and happens all the time. It is very rare to go through the day without encountering some form of conflict. How we react to these conflicts and what techniques we use determines how it ends. Normally when I get into a conflict situation I will use the defusing technique. This means that during an argument, I will try to find something that the other person is saying and agree with them. It is hard to keep an argument going when both parties agree with each other. I use this technique often but sometimes I use bad communication techniques. Occasionally in an argument I get very angry and immediately become very defensive and say things that only make the argument last longer.

            Last year I got into a severe argument with my girlfriend. I was supposed to go to her house for Valentine’s Day after I got out of work, but I was very tired and decided to go home and sleep.  This started a vicious fight between us over a period of about three days. When the fight first began I tried to be understanding and told her that I was very sorry but I was just too tired. But as she continued to argue I grew angry and started to yell. I used the getting mad communication technique, which never works. It got to a point where I threatened to break up and she agreed to it. Neither of us wanted to end the relationship, we were just too angry and stubborn to apologize. We did eventually get back together and apologized to each other but I now see the mistakes that I made. Getting angry and yelling never solves an argument I should have used the empathy technique and saw things from her perspective. She planned all day to see me and made a romantic dinner for us and I just ditched her. If I had tried seeing things from her perspective than the argument would not have lasted nearly as long. I could have also used the defusing technique to resolve the argument. After reading this article I feel that I am now better prepared to resolve conflicts than before and I will try to use these techniques more often.

Nonverbal Intimacy Behaviors

My score to the test we took earlier in class is a 93, which if I remember correctly is the average score for males. This makes perfect sense to me because I do not believe myself to be above average in this subject. I do sometimes talk with my hands but try not to use them too often. When people are speaking to me, I make sure to keep eye contact with the speaker at all times so they know that they have my attention. I may smile or laugh when they say a joke or something funny but I do not believe that I do this very often. I do this because I’ve always felt that being quiet and keeping constant eye contact with a person when they are talking is a valuable trait. I do realize though that this can be confusing for people at times. They may misunderstand my lack of emotions as not caring about the subject they are speaking about. Sometimes it would be beneficial for me to smile or laugh more, I could use hands more to better show my emotions.

Styles of Listening

Out of all of these different listening styles I would describe myself as an action centered listener. I enjoy listening to people’s problems and stories but I want them to be clear and concise. When a person’s story is too long or they are not using proper English I have a tendency towards losing focus. I will usually focus more on the length of the speech or their lack of a vocabulary instead of listening to the actual story. One of my biggest pet peeves is my generation’s infatuation with the word “like”. When a person uses this word more than 3 times in a sentence, which happens too often, all I can focus on is that.

         I believe that I learned this from a mixture of both my family and my friends. Both my mother and my father stressed the importance of speech. When I was younger I had many problems in school and they tried very hard to help me improve. From them I know now that clear messages are important in life. Also, my friends have also helped me become an action-centered listener. Any time my stories would drag on they would always tell me to get to the point and this has stuck with me.

         This style of listening can be both good and bad. Organized speeches make the speaker seem smart and desirable by employers and teachers alike. Although, at times when my boss gives a task but does not say it in a clear way, I sometimes wonder off in my head and forget the task completely. Just recently this happened to me at work and if I had been more people centered in my listening I would have been able to pay attention to what my boss was telling me instead of focusing on how long she had been talking.

Styles of Listening

Out of all of these different listening styles I would describe myself as an action centered listener. I enjoy listening to people’s problems and stories but I want them to be clear and concise. When a person’s story is too long or they are not using proper English I have a tendency towards losing focus. I will usually focus more on the length of the speech or their lack of a vocabulary instead of listening to the actual story. One of my biggest pet peeves is my generation’s infatuation with the word “like”. When a person uses this word more than 3 times in a sentence, which happens too often, all I can focus on is that.

         I believe that I learned this from a mixture of both my family and my friends. Both my mother and my father stressed the importance of speech. When I was younger I had many problems in school and they tried very hard to help me improve. From them I know now that clear messages are important in life. Also, my friends have also helped me become an action-centered listener. Any time my stories would drag on they would always tell me to get to the point and this has stuck with me.

         This style of listening can be both good and bad. Organized speeches make the speaker seem smart and desirable by employers and teachers alike. Although, at times when my boss gives a task but does not say it in a clear way, I sometimes wonder off in my head and forget the task completely. Just recently this happened to me at work and if I had been more people centered in my listening I would have been able to pay attention to what my boss was telling me instead of focusing on how long she had been talking.

Technology and Interpersonal Communication

When people are online there are four different ways to present themselves.  The first assumption is that the computer screen can deceive. This assumption deals with how people can show themselves differently than how they look in person. On my facebook account, for example, I only have two pictures and both of them are over two years old so someone looking at my facebook might be surprised if they saw me face to face. Many people on facebook will post pictures of themselves in flattering angles and look completely different in person, which is deceitful. The second assumption is that online discussions often prompt introspection. If I message a friend online, I have the ability to stop and think about what I am going to say to them as opposed to a face to face interaction. Sometimes my friends and I will make fun of each other on facebook just as a joke and since I am not directly in front of my friend, I have the time to think of a witty quip. The third assumption is that online discussions promote self-orientation. For example, my facebook is mine, and set up to show my personality. I choose what to put on my account, my favorite bands and movies, what friends I can accept, and what posts I want to show. The fourth and last assumption states that self-disclosure occurs online. This means that people can decide what information can be seen or hidden online. On my facebook account I hide almost all of my information from people who are not my friends, including my email address, where I live, my phone number, etc.

Other concepts include Screen names and email addresses. An email address can say a lot about a person and if that person is applying for a job and the employer sees that their email address is vulgar or offensive, they probably wont hire that person.

Enhancing your educational accessibility. The Internet has made it possible to search through millions of sources in just a click of a button. If I ever need to search for sources for a paper, I search online. This makes the process of finding information and sources so much faster.

Privacy sacrificed. Facebook is a great example of this. When someone signs up for facebook they reveal personal information and the rest of the world can find it, so it is very important to be cautious when revealing information on the Internet.

Abbreviated language. The Internet and texting has given birth to a new language. People know use words like “lol” and “brb” on a daily basis.

Write literally. Many things on the Internet can be misconstrued so it is very important to write literally on the Internet so you are not misunderstood.