Emotional Intelligence

            After taking the EQ test I learned something about myself that I never knew before. According to the test my emotional intelligence is not as high as I originally thought. Apparently, I am below average in my emotional intelligence, which I found surprising. After listening to Hank Weisinger’s speech on emotional intelligence I have noticed two main points that I need to improve to raise my emotional intelligence. The two steps that I need most improvement on are learning to use my thoughts as instructional self-statements and to make my tasks more underwhelming and not overwhelming.

            The first step seems very simple but from what Mr. Weisinger stated, this step is vital. Whenever I don’t complete a goal or I’m in a situation that I do not want to be in, I talk to myself in a negative way. I have always felt that doing this could have positive effects, thinking that it would motivate me. I thought that telling myself that I am too lazy or stupid after I do not accomplish a personal goal would push me to do better next time. From what Mr. Weisinger said, that technique is nothing but detrimental. To implement this first step I will try to talk to myself more productively. If I do not accomplish a goal instead of coming down hard on myself, I will talk more productively towards myself. I can also write down steps to deal with situations better. If someone is giving me bad news or information that I do not like I usually get angry and counterproductive. By writing down steps to deal with these situations I can avoid getting angry and counterproductive.

            The second step is another simple step to follow. Instead of making tasks difficult, I will make them small and easier to accomplish. For example, if I have a test on a Thursday, instead of making my task to get an A, I will break that task down. My first task will be to gather my notes on Monday, then I will study for an hour on Tuesday, next I will study for 3 hours on Wednesday, lastly I will take the test on Thursday aiming for an A. Breaking down the large task and turning it into smaller tasks makes it easier to accomplish. As I complete each task I feel better about myself and can move on to the next task with more confidence. Implementing these two simple tasks stated by Mr. Weisinger can dramatically change my emotional intelligence for the better. It’s now up to me to make sure that I implement them into my daily life.

           

Self Disclosure and Social Networking

             After reading the online article Social networking: Are we revealing too much? I took a long hard look at my facebook account. It is scary to think that some people can use my facebook in negative ways. Whether to spread rumors about me or to even go as far as to break into my house. Both examples used in the article were frightening to me. Maureen Paperella was robbed of about $10,000 worth of valuables all because she accepted a friend request from someone that she did not know very well. This person could see find her address on Maureen’s facebook page and when Maureen posted about a time when she was going to be out of her house, the “friend” robbed her house. I do not post very often but I can remember times posting about how I was going on vacation and I see now how that was a mistake. I do not know every friend on my facebook as well as I should and one of them could have robbed me blind.

             This article has also made me go over my list of friends on my account. I do not know everyone personally and probably should be more careful. From now on if I receive a friend request from someone that I do not know I will decline the request. Just recently I got a friend request from a girl that I had never met before but not thinking much of it, I accepted the request. This girl turned out to be a very strange person who then requested all of my friends and wrote inappropriate comments on my wall. This cause many problems for me and I had to block her.

            Face to face interactions are very different from online interactions are. When people are face to face they usually sensor what they say, they may think of a mean comment or inappropriate phrase but will normally keep it to themselves. Having the feeling of anonymity gives people more courage to say things that they normally would not in a face-to-face interaction. Also, people have a longer time to think about their response when online. When face-to-face, there isn’t much time to think, you just have to say what first comes to mind. 

Interpersonal Communication and Conflict

           Conflict is everywhere and happens all the time. It is very rare to go through the day without encountering some form of conflict. How we react to these conflicts and what techniques we use determines how it ends. Normally when I get into a conflict situation I will use the defusing technique. This means that during an argument, I will try to find something that the other person is saying and agree with them. It is hard to keep an argument going when both parties agree with each other. I use this technique often but sometimes I use bad communication techniques. Occasionally in an argument I get very angry and immediately become very defensive and say things that only make the argument last longer.

            Last year I got into a severe argument with my girlfriend. I was supposed to go to her house for Valentine’s Day after I got out of work, but I was very tired and decided to go home and sleep.  This started a vicious fight between us over a period of about three days. When the fight first began I tried to be understanding and told her that I was very sorry but I was just too tired. But as she continued to argue I grew angry and started to yell. I used the getting mad communication technique, which never works. It got to a point where I threatened to break up and she agreed to it. Neither of us wanted to end the relationship, we were just too angry and stubborn to apologize. We did eventually get back together and apologized to each other but I now see the mistakes that I made. Getting angry and yelling never solves an argument I should have used the empathy technique and saw things from her perspective. She planned all day to see me and made a romantic dinner for us and I just ditched her. If I had tried seeing things from her perspective than the argument would not have lasted nearly as long. I could have also used the defusing technique to resolve the argument. After reading this article I feel that I am now better prepared to resolve conflicts than before and I will try to use these techniques more often.